{"id":5771,"date":"2021-03-18T14:19:29","date_gmt":"2021-03-18T12:19:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pastorale-coaching.nl\/?p=5771"},"modified":"2023-11-01T15:57:06","modified_gmt":"2023-11-01T13:57:06","slug":"disease-to-please","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pastorale-coaching.nl\/disease-to-please\/","title":{"rendered":"The disease to please"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id='av_section_1'  class='avia-section av-5tlcb6-ce488e9c19fd1fab18c74a59139b94ea main_color avia-section-default avia-no-border-styling  avia-builder-el-0  avia-builder-el-no-sibling  avia-bg-style-scroll container_wrap sidebar_right'  ><div class='container av-section-cont-open' ><main  role=\"main\" itemprop=\"mainContentOfPage\"  class='template-page content  av-content-small alpha units'><div class='post-entry post-entry-type-page post-entry-5771'><div class='entry-content-wrapper clearfix'>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-44bmg2-de787ffdf57cb214cc6b6429a9eebd74\">\n.flex_column.av-44bmg2-de787ffdf57cb214cc6b6429a9eebd74{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\npadding:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='flex_column av-44bmg2-de787ffdf57cb214cc6b6429a9eebd74 av_one_fifth  avia-builder-el-1  el_before_av_three_fifth  avia-builder-el-first  first flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding  '     ><\/div>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-4g1v2a-4161a1fbfef63f7fb72670d52c516549\">\n.flex_column.av-4g1v2a-4161a1fbfef63f7fb72670d52c516549{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\npadding:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='flex_column av-4g1v2a-4161a1fbfef63f7fb72670d52c516549 av_three_fifth  avia-builder-el-2  el_after_av_one_fifth  el_before_av_one_fifth  flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding  '     ><p>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-1zef36-1ca7c8302f22ba2d9768eb3699259584\">\n#top .av-special-heading.av-1zef36-1ca7c8302f22ba2d9768eb3699259584{\npadding-bottom:10px;\n}\nbody .av-special-heading.av-1zef36-1ca7c8302f22ba2d9768eb3699259584 .av-special-heading-tag .heading-char{\nfont-size:25px;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-1zef36-1ca7c8302f22ba2d9768eb3699259584 .av-subheading{\nfont-size:15px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='av-special-heading av-1zef36-1ca7c8302f22ba2d9768eb3699259584 av-special-heading-h2 blockquote modern-quote  avia-builder-el-3  el_before_av_textblock  avia-builder-el-first '><h2 class='av-special-heading-tag'  itemprop=\"headline\"  >Disease to please<\/h2><div class=\"special-heading-border\"><div class=\"special-heading-inner-border\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><br \/>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-2u6bci-baccd598c487c586d087c6eb24a24ff8 '   itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock'  itemprop=\"text\" ><p>Nu heb ik toch weer gedaan!<br \/>\nWeer JA gezegd toen Marike vroeg of ik donderdagavond de leiding kan nemen.<br \/>\nIk had geen JA moeten zeggen want ik heb al extra afspraken staan in die week.<br \/>\nWaarom zeg ik geen NEE?<br \/>\nIk weet dat ik daarop moet letten en toch trap ik er iedere keer weer in.<br \/>\nNu zit ik ermee; hoe ga ik dit oplossen?<\/p>\n<p>Heb jij daar ook last van? Dat je JA zegt terwijl het eigenlijk NEE moet zijn?<br \/>\nJe doet dat klusje voor Oma terwijl je heus wel weet dat \u2026\u2026\u2026<br \/>\nJe hebt het al gedaan voordat het gevraagd werd; het gaat als vanzelf.<br \/>\nWaarom probeer je de ander steeds een plezier te doen ten koste van jezelf?<br \/>\nDat gedrag heeft een naam; we noemen het pleasegedrag.<\/p>\n<p>Het is niet erg! Af en toe vertonen we dat gedrag allemaal.<br \/>\nDaar is niets mis mee.<br \/>\nWe doen dingen omdat we graag aardig gevonden willen worden,<br \/>\nof omdat we bang zijn dat het anders niet gebeurt.<br \/>\nWe blijven vriendelijk en toegeeflijk omdat we ruzie willen voorkomen.<br \/>\nDe meesten van ons helpen de ander gewoon graag en dat is goed!<\/p>\n<p>Het is wel belangrijk dat jij je bewust bent dat je soms pleasegedrag vertoont.<br \/>\nMisschien ken je het boek \u2018Waarom moet ik altijd helpen?\u2019 van Nico van der Voet.<br \/>\nHij daagt ons daarin uit om als christen ook voor onszelf op te komen; assertief te worden.<br \/>\nMensen die zelf de keuze maken wanneer wij onze naaste wel of soms ook niet willen dienen.<\/p>\n<p>NEE is ook een woord dat je mag gebruiken.\u00a0 <strong><br \/>\n<\/strong>Het is belangrijk dat je bewust JA of NEE kunt zeggen als je iets gevraagd wordt.<br \/>\nDat jij je bewust bent van de keuze die je hebt, een bewuste keuze kunt maken.<br \/>\nEen keuze die bij je past, zonder dat je je schuldig voelt.<\/p>\n<p>Maar als je merkt dat je geen keuze hebt, en wel JA moet zeggen, is er iets aan de hand.<br \/>\nWaarom voelt het soms alsof er maar \u00e9\u00e9n mogelijkheid is?<br \/>\nHet lijkt wel als of je bevriest in een bepaalde situatie.<br \/>\nWaarschijnlijk heb je last van een trigger uit het verleden.<br \/>\nEr gebeurt iets dat je onbewust herinnert aan vroeger.<br \/>\nHierdoor komt er een proces opgang waardoor je maar op \u00e9\u00e9n manier kunt reageren.<br \/>\nDoor die trigger heb je even niet de mogelijkheid paraat om NEE te zeggen.<\/p>\n<p>Het is belangrijk om te ontdekken wat je innerlijk beweegt als je JA of NEE zegt.<br \/>\nNeem even de tijd om de situatie vanuit een ander perspectief te bekijken.<br \/>\nZo leer je negatief pleasegedrag herkennen en kun je gaan kiezen voor zelfbewust pleasegedrag.<\/p>\n<p>Over pleasegedrag en bewust JA of NEE zeggen valt nog veel meer te zeggen.<br \/>\nIk stip het hier alleen maar even aan.<br \/>\nMensen die zelfbewust de keuze maken om iets voor een ander te doen,<br \/>\nstaan vrijer in het leven.<br \/>\nZij ervaren meer blijdschap en levensgeluk.<\/p>\n<p>Zo kun je op een positieve manier God en je naaste dienen!<\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><br \/>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-kfihhic2-a83e5477e7b3b589b07a043baaaa62ec\">\n#top .av_textblock_section.av-kfihhic2-a83e5477e7b3b589b07a043baaaa62ec .avia_textblock{\ncolor:#b02b2c;\n}\n<\/style>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-kfihhic2-a83e5477e7b3b589b07a043baaaa62ec '   itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock av_inherit_color'  itemprop=\"text\" ><p>Liesbeth<\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><\/p><\/div>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" 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